Guide to Competing in Queen of So and So Contest
by Rosa Cotton
Summary: Here at last, the six coveted tips for all aspiring contestants in any competition from the universe’s number one expert, history trivia buff, and all time banner maker.


Disclaimer: _The Lord of the Rings_, all characters, places, and related terms are the sole property of J.R.R. Tolkien's estate.

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Guide to Competing in (and Winning!) the Queen of So-and-So Contest

Written by Lady Arwen "Evenstar" Undomiel (Daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell, granddaughter of Lady Galadriel of Lothlórien, descendant of the famous Lady Lúthien)

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Introduction

It has been over a year since I was plucked from my unchanging, secure home in Rivendell to take part in the competition to become the new Queen of Gondor. Of the two hundred thirty-seven contestants, I am the lone elf and the #1 favored candidate. After going through twelve months of beauty treatments and lessons in the history and customs of this country, each candidate spends one afternoon with the King of Gondor. After he has seen them all, the one who pleases him the most he shall call by name and make queen.

I had my afternoon with the king, Aragorn, nearly two weeks ago and offer these tips that are a guarantee to winning any Queen of So-and-So contest.

Sincerely yours,

Arwen Undomiel, future Queen of Gondor

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**Tip #1 Highlight your beauty.**

Show your best feature to advantage. For example, if your best feature is your eyes, be sure to wear lots of eye shadow and eye liner. If all your features are wonderful, then wear layers and layers of makeup. Also, wearing lots of jewelry is a plus as well that you will truly shine. Remember you want to be eye-catching.

**Tip #2 Show off your gracefulness.**

All noble ladies must move with a graceful air. Every moment must flow into the next, almost like a dance. If you are an elf, then you are saved a slew of lessons since elves are the most naturally born graceful creatures in Middle-earth. Sadly, though, even we elves have no formula for the dreaded tripping-on-the-hem-of-your-dress-and-falling-flat-on-your-face, other than to advise you to watch your step. You must never do this when you are introduced to the king (though it might make him notice you more, as in my case).

**Tip #3 Make sure the king knows you have a good figure.**

Try to wear a dress that compliments your figure. (I hear the hourglass figure is very popular at the moment.) This should not be difficult, as there are many dresses out there that would be a perfect fit. Yet I must caution against appearing in ones that are see- through; some kings might yell, "Off with her head!" (When I saw dear Aragorn, I wore a particular favorite dress I brought from my home that…well, apparently was not in keeping with the tastes of Gondor. As a result, the whole afternoon I had to keep my cloak wrapped around myself under pain of pain by Aragorn.)

**Tip #4 Engage the king's interest in the first five minutes.**

Since there will be a good number of you in the contest, it is important to gain the king's interest more or less at first sight. This can be done with a combination of showing off your beauty, finding something you two have in common (such as attending the Annual Banner Fair or Miss Middle-earth Beauty Pageant every year or being a fan of the Lego Elves Band), and telling about yourself (Aragorn was impressed by my passion for sewing banners and history trivia, for instance; he nodded the whole time while examining the carpet).

**Tip #5 Let him know why you would be the perfect queen.**

This is a biggie. The king shall be shown so many girls: those with more pros than cons, these with more cons than pros, and few perfect. When presented to the king, you must go in with a battle plan of how you will come across as the right choice.

Remind him during your time together of your impressive lineage – and if it is greater than his, the win is all but in the bag. Tell of what a great alliance the match would create, how the media shall have a field day, and how you both will go down in the history books and maybe even inspire romantic tragedies. Assure him you shall fit into the way of court life like a hand into a glove. Highlight the queenly qualities you possess: sewing abilities, a good voice (I once scared away a bunch of orcs waiting in ambush with my singing), the patience to sit for a portrait, the manners of the meekest lady, and the all-important beauty (especially if it will never fade). You can also take the opportunity to list your accomplishments. (Mine include holding the record of sewing twenty-five banners in nine days, being the six-time and current Miss Elf Universe, and being compared to my ancestor Lúthien.)

**Tip #6 Help him to remember your name. **

My final tip is vital. Imagine how your heart will soar when the contest is all said and done and you are conducted to the king not as a bride candidate but as his chosen bride, and he smiles and says your name. It may be just a few days or a good number of weeks since he saw you. But when he says your name, you know he has thought often of you.

With so many faces it can be almost impossible to put a name – let alone the right one! – to each girl. I am one of two hundred thirty-seven contestants and have long given up on being able to name each one. So it can be a challenge for the king to remember your name among all the others. To help him, give him a gift that ties in with your name, such as a jewel or something similar. I am known among my people as the Evenstar, and my father created a necklace for me of the same name. It was a silver pendant with shimmering crystals. I gave it to Aragorn and explained its history and how it was named for me, Arwen the Evenstar. I would advise any contestants who try this to double-check that their gift does not contain a hidden tracking device. Otherwise, there might be a lockdown on the whole castle, and your time with the king is cut short. And you will be accused of cheating and trying to hurt the king. If you were good in your acting lessons, you may be able to avoid being booted from the competition.

And the bright of side of this or other incidents when your time with the king does go as smoothly as glass? You have a better chance of his remembering you.

Good luck, future queen!

THE END


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